Catch and Release

I hold the pressure steady.
Our lips are close but we're not kissing. I'm grinning and her hands are in mine and we're dancing but not quite on the beat. Her tiny hands grip my shoulder and arm and she falls into me the way a girl does when she wants to escape everything in her mind and the world.

I ask her if she wants to dance but she needs a break.
I don't hesitate and ask a cute dark-haired girl to dance. We dance closely and surprisingly well together considering it's out first time dancing together.

Time passes and the night begins to wane as it always does.

I press her to come home with me afterward and her mind spins and flutters and I can feel flip flop inside and turn over uncertainly.
She says no and I don't press her.
She plays this role exceedingly well.

She pouts in a way that I haven't learned to decipher.
She's frustrated and I know from my new perspective it's with herself, not with me.
The voices are shouting in her mind.
She tells me to go dance.
I do.
I dance with a good looking ***-haired girl who turns well and dips even better and we're both smiling the entire time. She is animated and is clearly enjoying dancing with me. I know in some bizarre way she wants this, she wants to see that other women love dancing with me. I pump the pressure up until the song ends, and she's pouting harder than before, commenting how much better this girl and I dance together. I smile and shrug.

I head home and text her which isn't what I should do but maybe it is but maybe it isn't but fuck the rules sometimes. I know the text is spot on with what she's thinking but as to whether it's the bold (right) or bold (stupid) move, only time will tell.

   - Good luck and happy hunting,
           - Yrs. in Christ