The night was a bust as I thought it might turn out. Got out of the event late, posted up to get food, slow service, by 1ish am I knew there would be no sets opened and so I resigned myself to this inescapable, unalterable fact and saved up that motivation for tonight.
And I kicked it with good friends and shot the shit.
I'm hungry to press some interactions tonight at a venue which will hopefully pan out with some demographics which have historically been good for your humble narrator.
Some of the guys I've been with this weekend, most in fact, have gone through a divorce and the commiseration has been helpful in the general sense of knowing other guys had it worse than me and have had much more to split up logistically and emotionally.
The normalizing effect of others having gone through it and come out fine, and accepting that it truly was the best decision in the long run rather than throwing good money after bad has helped as well.
As it is, my dick hungers for more. The cistern of my lust hath not runneth over since last weekend in ********, out of town. And even then, I had 2 birds lined up...but the logistic and time and tide and the night sky interjected with some "so close yet so far away" bullshit.
It's fine though as I know it's given me some motivation and pent up drive to press the envelope.
My phone's full of semi-naked and fully nude texts from homegirl and the fresh-faced girl and it keeps me warm as I traverse the city and the cold and the rain.
I think back to the wine bar with homegirl, polishing off a half priced bottle of pretty damn good red wine and the warm slide into fuzziness and her pressed up against me, her dark hair traipsing across my chest and the warm smell of her skin giving me that slight tingle you get from a cute, fragile waif and her femininity strumming across the chords of your being.
Remembering moments like these, I remember why I had to get a divorce.
"A prayer for the wild at heart kept in cages...."
I have more late nights in bars with young
Being married just wasn't for me....and it may never be. I
My ex-wife texted me the other day, upset and the like, talking about how I'm "living the life" I wanted and that she's hurt.....
As it is, I wasn't going to be the man for her longterm or even much longer in the short term.
We can only be who and what we are and when that changes be honest with those in our life affected by this transition.
This is what you are.
This is what you were always going to become.
Good luck and happy hunting,
- Yrs. in Christ
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