Rambling Sunday Post: Tales From the Darkside (of Marriage)

My ex-wife stopped by to get something that came in the mail.
We probably said 3 sentences to one another.

I was fine and in a good/pleasant mood but she decided to make it awkward with simmering tension and angst and resentment.
C'est la vie.

Thanks for the reminder as to why I wanted a divorce in the first place.
I cannot fix you.
I cannot be your superman.
You were unhappy half the time we were married and you can go back to doing that on your own now without my interference

I didn't have the drive, desire, or spirit to be positive for the both of us.

I wonder how much time will pass before I forget how much it sucked to be married and some girl wit a magical vagina and sweet nothings whispered in my ear makes me consider it again.
Crazy thing is....my wife was actually 20x cooler than most girls my friends have married.

And even then....it was something I eventually came to see I wanted no part of long term.

Was out with a big group earlier in the evening yesterday. Singles, couples, and even married folks.
I could see the drunkenness turn to the fade and the small arguments and unhappiness begin to set in.
The petty arguments and disagreements and over-reactions to things said in passing....the same as when you're just dating....but it metastisizes into something else.....one or the two people uses the marriage as a means to behave differently than they would if they were dating...betting the other person will not call it quits. The natural bullshit test is gone....one or both parties feel as though they can do whatever they want without recourse....and it eventually goes into the black hole.

God, it reminded me so much of being married I could have gagged.
I've come to wonder not so much why people get married (curiousity/boredom/fear) but why they fucking stay married....

I know a few guys who genuinely seem happy and grateful for the partners they have in their life.
But.....they are the exception.

The great things is....for quite awhile now, society will understand that I have no desire to be married.

I remember each passing year before I was married, the questions as to why I was not married grew more probing and more insistent. More doubtful.....more suspicious.

How do you tell a "normal" person that it's a stupid institution not suited for most people (just as is having children)?

You don't.
Or if you do.....they stare at you blankly.
Is it more immature to avoid commitment or to genuinely know in your heart that it's just not what you fucking want but go against that and be miserable like most of the other married people?

I'm tired and my desire to go out and hunt is waning as it always does from time to time.
But....I know that you are always one interaction away from something meaningful and thus...I press forth daunted yet not....

Good luck and happy hunting.
       - Yrs. in Christ