Dated but prescient, The article spins this as a semi-positive thing by saving any possible downside or even a negative suggesting question until the last two lines of the loosely termed "article" (gotta keep big Pharma making billions!) -
"I'd rather be myself," he said. "Myself and nasty. Not somebody else, however jolly."
- Bernard Marx in Brave New World
"Rather be a devil livin' life on a tail than to be an angel at a church fair...."
- Devil Makes Three
-----
Soundtrack:
We're sitting at a coffee shop.
We've already eaten at this local-organic-whatever-you-call-it place like a early 20's to 30 couple with no kids often does on a relatively free ***day evening b/c we don't have kids nor are we married and bored to tears b/c we've heard everything this other person possibly has to say. If we felt like it, we'd head out for drinks at a cool bar and listen to good music, but as it is, we'll roll slow this evening and avoid the cold.
We're dressed well and despite a modicum of stress from work, we live in the first world and split our attention between smart phones, lap tops, pandora, and youtube with some facebook mixed in for good measure. There is no genocide, no sexual slavery, no grinding poverty, none of the life of the other half.
She's doing stuff for work, I'm perusing MMA and related news b/c my jaunt out of town to expand my mind means I missed the UFC this weekend.
We intermittently talk music tastes and shows we've been to.
She's cute and pleasant, not bitter or jaded.
I'm briefly reminded of the strippers my buddy and I met this weekend and the one I fucked back in ********.
My mind flips back to the present.
With a pen in her mouth, she looks up at me coyly and asks, "do you want to head back to your place and fuck the shit out of me?"
"I could definitely do that," I tell her.
"Good," she says, "I miss having you deep inside of me."
We pack our stuff and she grabs my crotch the whole drive back to my place while kissing me hard at all the stoplights.
After we sit for a time watching bullshit TV, she climbs onto my lap, straddles me and takes my face in her hands the way that I like. If I wasn't a student of the game and I hadn't gotten burned by homegirl from awhile back I'd probably lose my frame.
For a split second I'm struck by what my decade of 30 has meant thus far: nearly losing everything, my marriage ending, the run ins with the law, the girls, and the high cost of freedom.....I cross my fingers and don't say it b/c that will jinx it but, I think ************. As it is, I'll take the lows in trade for the highs and I smile deep down inside glad to be back on the cobblestones putting one Converse in front of the other.
Her soft touch and the way she tilts her head back while she grinds on my lap proves equal parts intoxicating and arousing.
I don't know it but the young, fresh faced girl I made out with the night before has texted me.
I don't know that my buddy has invited me out to go ****ing with him and a friend of his.
I also don't know that my ex-wife has texted me.
I don't know these things, these facts, and at this moment, I'm at peace. She and I get ****, climb into bed, have great sex, and relax for a few hours before I swing her back to her place.
I drive home through the damn cold night, sit at home, get more ****, and think about my weekend with my buddy reflecting on another time spent tithing the vice Gods far away in their dark towers.
I look back to the time before my marriage ended.
I reconsider what I thought my life post-marriage would be like....and this is pretty much it.
Nights spent driving deep and dark past red flags, fresh faces, and the newness and thrill and potential of the unfamiliar.
Sometimes...we get exactly what we expect.
I'm glad I took a break from the brink and the game and the fast lane. I was burning it at both ends.
I had lost my appreciation for freedom. The nagging voices of convention and societal expectation making me feel like a degenerate.....but having seen the institution of marriage firsthand and by extension a close call with parenthood...it is exactly as I feared...and now when the voices grow insistent, I can calmly reply that "I was married....and it simply was and is not for me."
Good luck and happy hunting.
- Yrs. in Christ
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