Soundtrack: Kavinsky
Alt. Soundtrack: College
I finish my coffee, slam down my cheap beer, and head out knowing it will be a waste of a night.
It is Monday.
It is cold.
Not many venues have anything planned.
This city is a fair weather one at best.
But something prods me forth.
A refusal to regress or even stall.
A need to know that even failure is working toward the end goal, working toward something.
I've built momentum from the weekend and the week before.
I refuse to let the car stall at the crest of the hill.
I also view approaching under unfavorable conditions as training for the summer and the warmth.
I want to have gotten back into the groove by the time it warms up and the pretty birds are flitting about downtown on the patios and outside seating of various venues.
I don't drink much, but rather I analyze all the people I see. I feel like a robot but fuck it. Dedicated study and analysis is part of the game people.
I look for the numbers in the matrix and force myself to accept there is no spoon.
I kick it with a bartender buddy of mine, briefly chat up a girl that's a long term goal and with whom I keep crossing paths, go see a free band where a hot chick hits me up but her friends blow it up and want to find chick crack (attention) elsewhere as I'm rolling solo and the venue is lacking sausage/dick/sword(the one time this keeps me from progressing in an interaction) and I have to meet friends but even that doesn't pan out as they take forever, so I post up at a goth night venue where an ambiguously effeminate yet seemingly straight dude asks me to wing for him while he hits up a chick with big boobs. Her friend is beat (I believe ratchet is the term the kids use these days) and I suspect the older chick I'm stuck talking to knows that guys like me (as pretty as) don't actually find her attractive. It also feels like pick up b/c the guy goes in waaaaay too direct for this venue and these type of girls and b/c I'm off on the side it feels like pick up. He tells me later he wasn't into her, but I only half believe that as he might have been covering up a blow off or perhaps she was too drunk but fuck it who cares.
All the while I smile because the fresh-faced girl from this weekend is sending me half-naked pictures. Drinking cheap beer, hearing a band, getting half-naked pictures via smartphone....first world life and such.
At any rate, a dark-haired girl tells me to take her number b/c her friends are leaving.
I almost say no but decide not to publicly shame her for her openness and effort.
I see my buddies but by now I've slid into tiredness and disappear wordlessly into the night as I usually do when I feel that way and drive home to fade into the black of sleep.
I wake up tired, listen to Kavinsky on my way to work and though the night sucked dick like I knew it would, for some reason I felt it was necessary to grind at it and force some interaction and despite the lack of fun I put in work and forced myself to approach and interact even when I wasn't in the mood.
Determination overtook the desire for fun and/or laziness.
Tonight I will probably go ***** dancing and without building expectation it should be a positive venue with some prospects.
Good luck and happy hunting.
- Yrs. in Christ
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