The Slipping Mask

I feel like Dexter in the scene when parts of him are calling for a normal life. 

I've had fleeting thoughts recently that have really blown me away.

For the first time, I saw a kid, on his dad's shoulders and I thought.....I want that.
I'm a long way from deciding to have a child because I simply do not have it together, but wanting one, even if just in that moment was a big shift for your humble narrator.

I've given legitimate thought to giving up or at least trying to give up my womanizing ways.
Drinking and womanizing have always gone hand in hand for me.

I'm faced with the age old dilemma: when I embrace my instincts...I end up nearly suicidal from the massive ingesting of alcohol but alternatively when I remain sober I'm this vanilla wafer thing personality of a shell that doesn't feel like me either.

Keeping it between the lines is no fun but the alternative ends up far worse than not being fun.
I'm 3* and I find myself legitimately wondering if I'm ready to retire from the game of it all.
If it's time to settle down and work to build something of worth with another human being. To really and truly finally for once put my eggs in the basket and give up my lifetime pass to Neverland and being a Lost Boy.
It's giving up moments of intense excitement and manic thrill....that part of me deep down does in fact love and crave.

Right now I don't have to decide, I just have to make it through today.