I go out with friends. I haven't had anything to drink in 6 days.
I fight it off for a bit but begin drinking around 6 and slow roll it for much of the evening.
I don't switch to liquor until midnight.
I don't cheat on my girlfriend.
I don't flirt with any girls.
I miss my girlfriend.
I've been having crazy thoughts as of late and feel a bit like Alex in the final chapter of A Clockwork Orange.
I've seen Dads with kids and thought, "hmmm, pehraps?" instead of thinking "glad that's not me."
I've passed up some opportunities for sex and even stopped seeing the super hot girl just because the risk of getting caught was finally actually enough to deter me from cheating which has never happened in the past.
Self-control in some respects of my life is certainly not a penchant of mine.
At any rate....I don't want to write it because I always feel that's a jinx in my life...but I'll say it in other words and you can read between the lines: I'm falling hard for her and I may be cashing out down the road folks. She's a keeper and for once....I'm working hard to make sure she's happy.
I'm having my Dexter/Dark Passenger moment.
The mask is slipping.
I never wanted kids but for the first time, I'm considering it. At least with her.
I didn't want to live with someone before getting married again but we're discussing it.
I don't know how I feel about all of this other than somehow, for once, the fear isn't enough to stop me from daring to hope.
I'm reminded of the new Mad Max when he says "hope is a mistake."
I felt that way for much of my life....but sometimes....marred by our mistakes and scarred by our cheap thrills....we begin to hope simply because life is better that way.
It's a lot like my policy on God.
I believe in God because my life is better when I choose to believe.
My world is a bit brighter, I am a bit more gracious to my fellow humans and....I smile more.
Life is hard enough being a hopeless romantic that doesn't believe in happy endings.
For once...I'm taking my own advice, I'm getting out of my own way and out of the way of my own happiness, and I'm looking to the future with hope.
I see her and I....and perhaps, at times, even children.
Mind blowing when I stop and think.
I don't think about it too hard...because I'm great at being my own worst enemy.
I enjoy the day dreams and the thoughts and the imagining of that life with her and I take it simply as it is.
Good luck and happy hunting,
- Yrs. in Christ
I fight it off for a bit but begin drinking around 6 and slow roll it for much of the evening.
I don't switch to liquor until midnight.
I don't cheat on my girlfriend.
I don't flirt with any girls.
I miss my girlfriend.
I've been having crazy thoughts as of late and feel a bit like Alex in the final chapter of A Clockwork Orange.
I've seen Dads with kids and thought, "hmmm, pehraps?" instead of thinking "glad that's not me."
I've passed up some opportunities for sex and even stopped seeing the super hot girl just because the risk of getting caught was finally actually enough to deter me from cheating which has never happened in the past.
Self-control in some respects of my life is certainly not a penchant of mine.
At any rate....I don't want to write it because I always feel that's a jinx in my life...but I'll say it in other words and you can read between the lines: I'm falling hard for her and I may be cashing out down the road folks. She's a keeper and for once....I'm working hard to make sure she's happy.
I'm having my Dexter/Dark Passenger moment.
The mask is slipping.
I never wanted kids but for the first time, I'm considering it. At least with her.
I didn't want to live with someone before getting married again but we're discussing it.
I don't know how I feel about all of this other than somehow, for once, the fear isn't enough to stop me from daring to hope.
I'm reminded of the new Mad Max when he says "hope is a mistake."
I felt that way for much of my life....but sometimes....marred by our mistakes and scarred by our cheap thrills....we begin to hope simply because life is better that way.
It's a lot like my policy on God.
I believe in God because my life is better when I choose to believe.
My world is a bit brighter, I am a bit more gracious to my fellow humans and....I smile more.
Life is hard enough being a hopeless romantic that doesn't believe in happy endings.
For once...I'm taking my own advice, I'm getting out of my own way and out of the way of my own happiness, and I'm looking to the future with hope.
I see her and I....and perhaps, at times, even children.
Mind blowing when I stop and think.
I don't think about it too hard...because I'm great at being my own worst enemy.
I enjoy the day dreams and the thoughts and the imagining of that life with her and I take it simply as it is.
Good luck and happy hunting,
- Yrs. in Christ
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