Life in the Age of Byrony

Headed into work in a bit.
Glad I hit a meeting earlier. I'd honestly like to hit another one tonight but I have to work.
I agreed to call a guy who's reached out to me twice at meetings in the past week.
It's hard to believe for a guy who's fought in a cage in front of hundreds of people picking up the motherfucking phone is so difficult....but it is what it is.

I agreed to call him and meant it.

He walked up to me after the meeting today and asked how I was.
He looked at me and without judgment said: You get drunk last night?
I told him yeah.
It's a moment only one alcoholic can know/share/understand with another alcoholic.

I look back and see what I did differently yesterday than the days previous and I see that I didn't pray at the start of the day, I didn't hit a meeting, and I chased pussy.

I remember ******, my counselor, looking at me shortly before I left ********* saying: "If or when you go back out there, it will be a woman who hands you the drink."

He was right.

I had * 1/2 months of sobriety when a toxic/unhealthy relationship that I let supercede my sobriety pushed me back out there.

I have to watch my womanizing ways because that is acting out, that is in fact me feeding my disease and it comes to me as naturally as drinking. They go hand in hand and they are both hard habits of mine nearly imprinted on my brain.