Sometimes They Do the Work for You

She's been flirting with me for an hour.
I'm drinking a beer and it's warm out.
We're at some venue, the specific don't matter.
She's flipped the frame to sexual early on.
Bitch is thirsty.
Like dying of thirst, thirsty.

She invites herself along to the venue change with my boy and she does so self-deprecatingly and she is my type, but a bit overweight and a bit desperate, one feeding the other.
I don't drop any game on this bitch. My disinterest is game enough and she's painting her own picture in her mind and my distance just draws her closer and I sigh inside because I guess she's gonna work hard enough that I won't turn her down.

She's standing in my room. She's looking down shyly as she unbuttons my shirt. She takes her shirt and bra off and I'm glad her tits hang down they way they do.
I feel like I'm in some low budget porn but I don't feel bad enough to let that stop me or stop her.
She wordlessly gets on her knees and goes to town.
She keeps telling me how strong I am. How fit I am.
It's awkward but I just turn her over and fuck her from behind and she's grateful to get this dick.

She leaves early because she knows what this is and I go back to sleep.

I get up and hit the gym and enjoy the rest of the day's warm weather.
I'm grinding in the gym and the reality that I went back out slams into me and it's all I can do to control it and my eyes well up with tears but I decide I won't let this be more than what it has to be at this exact moment. A lapse, perhaps? A poor decision? My simply being human?
I'm scared because I know I can't trust myself on this slippery slope.
----
My game has gotten tight enough I can hardly say anything and some girls will decide that they are going to fuck me. Looking back over the past couple months since I got back out there it's been bananas how quickly I've made progress.

I guess that means something or maybe it doesn't. I don't feel much of anything beyond the money shot moment and how wet her pussy is as I pound her from behind. It's something. I guess.

I feel the old me take the wheel and he comfortably guides the interaction and I debate how much I can risk allowing him back in.
He will promise and bring forth pussy and thrill and excitement...but I know the tawdry thrills will give way to dangerous costs.
I don't even care I fucked this chick and I don't know why I did beyond the base offer it was. A slight step above masturbation, but in terms of actual intimacy, that's what it was.

Fucking fuck fuck fuck.
I run into some AA people I recognize but I don't talk to them. They're talking the program because that's all they ever talk about and since I've gone back out I'm not trying to heart that shit in any capacity.