She's Not Really Mad About What She's Yelling About

The War of the Minds inside a woman


She says some things about what I "should" do and "should" care about.

There's that motherfucking word.

The old me turns his head inside and considers escalating this interaction.
The new me understands that her anger in this moment is disproportionate to what we're discussing and therefore it is in regard at least in part to something else.

I debate dropping her off at her place and laying down the ultimatum card, but elect to save it for another instance. I've played a very even keeled hand thus far, only once showing any real anger or the like.
Momentarily, I try to pacify and placate her but this predictably fails and I see that her anger runs deeper and clearly some other resentment or whatever toward me is there.
Virtually all anger is fear-based but I'm not thinking that at this moment.
She keeps up the harshness and I don't give chase. She's lashing out a bit and I can feel it.
I'm debating how to play my hand in this game of maneuvers.

She has some real viciousness coming out in small moments.
I see the anger but I recall some other things she has going on so rather than escalate the arms race, I simply don't react, but my face is not pure emotional detachment, but rather, simmering anger, the kind that most women fear whether they'll admit it or not.

This passes, and she gets to what she's really mad/fearful about.
She has some concerns this is just sex....really....okay, we're fine, this is what it's really about. Her mind has been spinning this rock into a boulder and she's paralyzed emotionally that  she needs affirmation about the depth of what I feel for her (which means she is feeling the like), so I give it to her because it is the truth. She's not extracting validation, but rather genuinely concerned and it's causing her anxiety and angst.

I turn it and ask her what she feels when I'm with her, when we are together, when we fool around....this chips away at her blockade and she reins her emotions back under control.
I'm not here to convince anyone of anything, even the truth....and ultimately, her feelings are a better barometer of my own words, but she needs to hear me say so I tell her how I feel about her.