Random Weekend Progression

"I want you to fill me..."she whispers in my ear as I'm on top of her. Her small hands grab at my hips, urging me deeper and her forehead presses against my chest as her tongue traces my collarbone.

I don't know it at this moment but in a couple days I'll be cheating on her.

It's not something I'll pursue, but rather a thirsty girl will do all the work and I won't stop the interaction from escalating into what becomes sex that is slightly more than jerking off.
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I wake up and hit the gym.

I'm still grappling with the reality that I went back out. Before I went back out, I missed the old me at times. Now that he's back, there, lurking, right behind my eyes, I'm not so sure. The wolfman has returned and he's behind the next full moon or lapse in decision-making.

I meet up with a friend and we head out to see what the night holds.
I flirt with the barista and she smiles a million dollar smile and her cute little body is taut and young and I imagine her bent over the edge of my bed.
I can tell she's submissive. She gives me the shy downward glance that practically makes me hard.

My radar for the type of girl with whom I'm compatible is getting exceedingly sharp as of late.
We run into a girl he knows on the street and she joins us. She quickly begins to flirt with  me and he gives me the knowing look but she's not my type and so I have to be polite but not give her signals that can be misconstrued.
She does everything to spark the fire but 1) I'm tired and 2) she's just not my type and 3) she's just not pretty enough. I'm in a strange place but as it does sometimes, my disinterest backfires, and the girl likes the challenge and she pours it on thick. That's what happens this time and she does everything from the high five which she uses to then hold my hand a bit longer than necessary, to motioning for me to lean in and she whispers in my ear then graduates to touching my bare forearm, and asking if she can touch my hair because it looks soft.
We leave the venue and the cool yet almost warm night air feels good as we pass vagrants and the homeless.

We run into another girl he knows. I shake her hand (but first introduce myself to the other friend) and hold eye contact and with a slight squeeze on her fingertips....and her demeanor turns open and friendly in a split second. She tosses her long blonde hair like the warm sun is out and.....she is cute and open...but I am just too fucking tired to hammer out in set with my buddy.
I give him the signal, get to my car, head home and get some tragic news.

I watch TV for the first time in I don't even know how long....but give up the fight and climb into bed to call it a night and sleep deep dark dreams of my girl and longing for her to return and put the snow globe back down and my world to settle if only for a few brief moments with her wrapped up in my arms.

I'm falling for this girl and I've accepted it so I cross my fingers and resign myself to hoping it lasts as long as things like this can last.
I don't hold my breath because I'm a romantic that doesn't believe in happy endings.
I see the future in some instances and hope for the best and see us together.

I lay in bed in the dark and I look at our pictures together.
I remember the last night we shared...her head on my chest, having just had sex...and my favorite song by my favorite band comes on and she melts into me, one small hand resting on my chest, the other interlocked in mine, two people grateful for the escape from the world and the trials and the attrition of human life....and I remember in that moment telling a future self to remember this and hold it deep inside because soon it would feel distant and we would be apart.....and I close my eyes and derive a measure of peace from the memory and I fall asleep.

      - Yrs. in Christ