Rebels Fail

'Like most others, I was a seeker, a mover, a malcontent, and at times a stupid hell-raiser. I was never idle long enough to do much...."




Every time I do battle with the state I'm reminded that the Jedis only win in the movies.
The guys in history who face down the empire get cut down with all of their boys ala the 300 at the hot gates. It's a tough balance to strike: which societal rules to bow down to or simply run around and avoid and which ones to break. Perhaps I'm only talking about myself, but finding that dividing line has always been tough. One beer could mean 20 or it could mean an early night in.....there's just no way of knowing....every tragic hero has their flaw....my inability to know when is my single greatest failing but also the cornerstone of my willingness to simply press forward when others would quit in the face of overwhelming odds.




I'm slowly but surely as the days pass facing down the legal aftermath of/from my decisions and it sucks but it is what it is. It's even more pointless to cry over spilled milk and now I just try to stack pennies, pay my attorney, and kick ass at work and in the gym until it comes time to face the music.
I don't lose hope by knowing that people far greater than myself have failed to follow the various laws and statutes of their respective societies.




It's a sobering reality when the expensive mistakes catch up with you but a grim and poignant reminder necessary for the reckless and audacious such as myself.


You can burn the candle at both ends, but people like me go too far down the rabbit hole. We run amok until society through the arm of the law or psychological necessity and breakdown bid us spend time in jails and institutions.




At any rate, I know I'll come out the other side stronger internally and even more un-flappable than I am currently because I always learn things the hard way.



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I'm still sober. There's that.
I won't stay sober due to the threat of criminal punishment.
I won't stay sober due to the health risks in the short and long term.
I won't stay sober due to the very real risk that I harm myself and/or others.


I have to learn to stay sober because alcohol inhibits my potential.
I can't fear alcohol the way the program teaches because the more you fear something the stronger it grows. I have to choose.
Choice theory and reality theory come to mind if you've studied any psychology models.