Neamheaglach

Sitting in the sun, sipping a cool drink, money in your pocket....being fearless is easy. It's a cool mantra. It's a nice dogma to have. Cool story, bro.

Quitting your job, counting every penny, wondering if/when the next job will come through....now being fearless feels a bit more.....fearful.





Handing the homeless guy by the off ramp $5 when you just got paid yourself....whatever.
Handing him $5 when you're not sure if you'll have enough gas to make it through the week to work and whatnot...now we're talking.

Giving only counts when it costs....when it hurts....when you bleed.
"It's not enough to sweat for your dreams, you gotta bleed."

I heard a quote the other day about someone asking Muhammad Ali how many sit-ups he does and he said he only starts counting when it starts hurting.
--

I worked the early St. Patrick's Day crowd/bullshit/whatever but people were largely well-behaved. The bar was destroyed (predictably) and it was light outside by the time I got home, ate breakfast and slept for some hours before getting up and grinding it out at the gym.

I have some administrative/clerical stuff to clear up with work this week since I quit my job.

Had more time to peruse the internets as of late. A bunch of guys monetizing the alpha/man/new modern neo-masculinity-whatever lifestyle with blogs and websites. That's cool I guess and I can't fault a guy for asking for money to support a lifestyle if he feels he's giving value back to others or not. Sometimes, honestly it just feels like guys asking for you to give them $ while you live vicariously through their life but what the fuck do I know, right?

Never hurts to ask for something, worst someone can do is say no, right?

At any rate, I haven't been to a meeting in ages but I haven't felt like drinking, and I haven't felt like hearing about God or spirituality and all that cal either so it's worked out. I've stayed busy and kept my life orderly and every day I don't drink is a better day and a preamble to an even better day tomorrow. I'm taking a day or three to reset my mind and state before I begin real job hunting. The coffee shop I prefer is always full of younger guys from AA/the program mentoring or trying to mentor or sponsor or whatever one another, all clamoring out of desperation to stay sober and all that jazz. It turns my stomach at times but it helped me get sober or at least on a long enough timeline get to where I am now when nothing else would keep me sober long enough to get some clarity.
Everyone's path is different and I try to not get to wrapped up in assessing things for other people because I sure as fuck don't have the answers (hint: no one does).

Good luck and happy hunting,
    - Yrs. in Christ