Perhaps

It's late.
I'm off work. The gays are grinding and dancing. What's left out are the dregs, the monkey beating the drum manically in the brain of those that cannot call it quits, pressing the envelope until it tears out of desperation. A couple have opened me but I cut them off at the pass so as not to waste their time on a dead end. I chat with some guys I know and though I am tired, I've been out of the gym so I'm not tired enough to sleep. It's Pride weekend and it's a menagerie of a night, even for the gays.

I think back to breaking up with the girl I'm seeing but it doesn't matter and I don't care much so I let it pass after it washes over me with some mild irritation.
I have cash in my pocket and I am pleased, well, no, for a bit after I had cash in my pockets I was pleased. I ate a good meal. I talked with an old friend I'd run into, now I am feeling nothing. It is a lack of feeling, desire, emotion that I now currently feel.

I don't see any cute girls though there are several.
I haven't seen a truly pretty girl in awhile.
Like months.
This is the other side of experience.
You bang something like 70 some odd girls and you think to a conversation you had with a friend the other night.
It's getting harder to even bother if it's just sex.
Sure, you can bang homegirl. But that feeling, you know the one, the one you don't joke about, the one that comes the moment after you bang you ex....the wordless, inarticulable thrum of the empty vastness roars in your ears in the silence.

You accept what the program has taught you.
The answer nor the problem lies in no one else and nowhere else but within.
Other people are not empty. Other places are not empty.
You are projecting.
You are the emptiness.
They are not boring.
You are bored.

You think back to the street festival and the guy who acted aggressively.
The old you would have responded in turn and choked him unconscious in the street.
Instead, you saw that he was an emotionally broken person to respond so aggressively to a perceived hostility completely in his mind.
His sense of self must be fragile.

Your paradigm is shifting and sliding and you lack the patience to play the games with the mating dance of who is more or less interested. Perhaps if you go without sex for a little while you'll do a cost/benefit analysis and play the game to get some sex.

Perhaps.