Perchance to Dream

Soundtrack:

I'm watching some odd mix of older people trying to stay hip and relevant and cool by hanging out at a place that's an all ages show. A girl next to me isn't even 21. Bizarre. Older girls, still trying to convince themselves they're just too independent and too intimidating for all these bitch ass mopsy haired clowns are loud and obnoxious, and I suspect not as drunk as they are acting. Short-haired lesbians flirt and act like horny 14 year old boys groping one another in overt displays of imitated masculinity and dominance. I've always wondered? If you're attracted to girls? Why are you making out with a poorly imitated 13 year old boy? I say this not to mock nor ridicule, but out of genuine intellectual curiosity.

I take in the erotic poetry and the burlesque and the forced enjoyment of girls on trapezes. The poetry is semi-racy but nothing shocking. It doesn't deliver the heavy hits.
Does anyone other than a girl who thinks that's so quirky and independent and different than yoga really give a shit about seeing a girl on a trapeze? I soak in a bit of the feeling that lets me tell myself I'm not alone but then I take stock of this razzmatazz and menagerie and realize I'd rather be alone than surrounded by these fucking people. I don't check my phone, head home, and finish watching a redbox movie whilst I eat candy. I've been sleeping hard whenever I do sleep. Insomnia was an omnipresent part of my life in active addiction. I would drink or pick up just to batter myself into a state where I would pass out. But what followed barely qualified as sleep.
These days, I sleep deeply and powerfully. I awake feeling as though I actually rested. It's like sleeping for the first time in nearly 1* years.

I don't remember my dreams.
My girlfriend calls while I'm asleep but it doesn't matter.
The changeover has occurred like I knew it would.

I don't know what the evening will bring. Probably some meetings and a mix of live music downtown. I consider blowing off my girlfriend. Not out of resentment, but just because I don't really see the point in seeing her.

Her wish has been granted. Go be Miss Independent. I won't be waiting here when you get back.
Congratulations. You win.
    - Yrs. in Christ