Strange Faith

I feel myself beginning to let go of expectation.
I have to go away soon to clear away the last of my wreckage from my last run out there.

I know and accept that no matter what I lose while I'm away, I'll get out, I'll rebuild, and so long as I stay sober.....things will get better.

I've been in tougher spots than this, I do know that.
And it hits me in a moment.
"Buy the ticket, take the ride."
Actions have consequences.
I keep debating just shutting everyone out and going away and then reappearing ****** down the road and those who accept I did what I had to do will stay my friends and those who feel entitled to an explanation aren't cut out to be my friend nor acquaintance.

I don't have to decide now but I keep mulling it over in my mind.
I don't know whether it's the disease encouraging me to isolate or if it is just something that will make the time away easier for your humble narrator.

I don't know and right now I don't care.
I'm prepared to come out with nothing and so long as I stay sober, I have the time and the opportunity to reconstruct, no, construct a life.

I'm only afraid if I think of losing something or someone.

But I come back to the truth in my belief that I will be okay, even if I won't, I believe, not just choose to believe, but experience has taught me to believe that come what may, I will hold fast and I will be okay. It will pass, and as always, I will emerge stronger and less flappable, and more stern in the face of tribulations....

When I'm actively out there, I'm a wild animal, wounded, I don't have my wits about me.
I'm literally operating at probably 20% capacity. Granted, I have a lot of practice in surviving....if that....but it's mainly upon reliance upon others around me and only through goodwill, my manipulation and deception do I get by.

At any rate, I'm staying in the solution.
I haven't had a lot of overt temptation lately, but I have had a lot of attention from girls, unsolicited, but I've been ignoring it for the most part.
    - Yrs. in Christ