Sober Prowl

Today makes * days of sobriety.
The most continuous sobriety I've had since I racked up * months at the start of the year.

I feel some clarity and physically my strength is returning.
It's amazing how your body feels when you eat right, sleep decent amounts, and aren't drowning your homeostasis in depressants to a compulsive extent.
It's like becoming the ubermesch. I feel it in my feet and my body and my frame and my muscles.
I've been handicapping myself with all the alcohol and the maelstrom it brings.

I feel my desire to act out sexually coming back strong. When I'm not drinking heavily I'm sure my Testosterone levels pick back up when not taking a hammering from alcohol, and the cycle of being out late all night, then hungover so not eating all day or eating very little, and training regardless of how hungover I am.

Had a couple girls flirt with me outright lately at work and hung out with one last night. I paid the price for judging a book by its cover as she's quite a bit more than I expected. That being said, she's a high quality girl...and being sober means....I find myself doubting if I'll enter into anything meaningful with her knowing that I don't see myself here inside of a year.
We bid adieu and I kiss her on the cheek, and as she turns she pauses, says bye again and puts her small hand on my midsection, it's the kind of light touch by a woman with some exceedingly feminine ways about her despite her career and I know that sexually we are compatible.
There's a fragility there that I want to devour and wrap my fingers around her throat until her eyes roll back in her head and she comes on my dick then collapses while I ravish her.

High quality girl took off, I was still out and about and some drunk service industry girls were flirting with me and one in particular with a huge ass and dark hair kept giving me the fuck me eyes. She's a big heavier than I prefer but then sometimes the lion must eat grass in the dry season.

She's a low quality girl and I haven't decided what I'll do about it as her more overt friend insisted we exchange numbers and did what women of low quality do which is allude to sexual value/prowess as a lure to a man.
Le sigh. I could have stabbed my eyes out they wanted to roll so hard.

At any right. I'm sure she'll demure to what I want sexually, at least perhaps, as I could tell I'm a good several steps out of her league. Who knows?
I'm supposed to meet up with the girl who's a book with a cover I misjudged.

I know this much, I haven't slept with anyone new since about * months ago. It's been a slow year for me in that department. I was balancing two for much of it and I simply didn't have the time nor emotional fortitude to add to the mix.

I can feel it rising to the surface. It's in my interactions with women. The more authentic you become, you don't even have to say it. It's in your eyes. It's in your words. It's in your tone.
It's in your body language.

I'm on the prowl. Girls can tell. There's a hunger in my eyes, like a lion eying a meal in the grassland.
Not thirst but hunger.
Desire.

Even my female friends have been asking me when I'll run down some new strange. The last girl they saw me with was top 5% and in general the girls they've seen me with always are in the high end of the market.
A problem I have is a lot of girls, it takes some convincing that I'm actually interested in them.
They're so used to shotgun style approaches by drunk guys and/or awkward guys with no style/panache that my game comes off as laconic or just that I'm too hot or that I must already have a girlfriend.

They said they can just tell when they see girls talk to me or me interact. That I'm a bit different than I was awhile ago.
But like good friends, they're always chastising me for even entertaining the prospect of a low quality girl. But then, no girl they've seen me with is pretty enough for me they say.

I've done this sober before and I can do it again. Once you get past some initial nervousness, you'll find you're balancing out the lack of inhibitions that alcohol rovides by not getting plastered and fucking it up by self cockblocking the way every guy who drinks to much has however many times.

I've never fucked a girl in the program though for young people I hear it's quite common/all the rage.
That and the gym/training are the two things that I put above all else (except when drinking gets in the way as it has for most of my adult life).

I know this. It's coming.
It's inexorable.
Some girl is going to wind up with my hand around her throat, begging for it, and I'm going to give it to her so we can escape for a bit while satisfying our baser instincts. 

Good luck and happy hunting,
    - Yrs. in Christ