A Foolish Consistency

I take a few days off from work.
I quickly slide into boredom and ennui.
I grind it out at the gym for days on end until I literally have to take a break because I can't sleep due to overtraining and the sleep I do get is not restful.

I look back over my time in sobriety and it was this sense of like brainwashing yourself and saying something enough times and it feels like it's true but ultimately...who I was in sobriety....it just wasn't me. It wasn't.....genuine in some way. I was this all accepting, all peaceful, virtually vanilla completely motherfucker.
The flipside, I must be ever vigilant when I'm not sober because I am only one night away from some very real danger to myself and others.

At the same time, I feel the excitement. The potential. The lust for life, red flags, and long nights.
I sip my first beer and before it's finished I feel the dark passenger sitting behind my eyes. He is chomping at the bit to take the wheel.
He's fidgeting and jabbering and he's well-rested and he's been doing push-ups while he's been away.

I also feel another familiar feeling: my mind and my dick are telling me to fuck a new chick and cheat on my girlfriend. She's everything I want and she's drop dead gorgeous to the point that it's staggering....but it's not enough and I come to that realization that I always have...this is simply what it is and always will be. I accept it rather than fight it like I once did but damn if it's not depressing at least in some regard when I feel it come on in the way it does.

She's doing her hair. I'm standing behind her and taking stock of her incredible body and legs and her beautiful face and lips and eyes and skin....but it's not enough.
She's virtually exactly what I want....except variety. It's that sense that some small part of something will be missed if I just stick to the path.
I don't know.
In the end being faithful would be the easy thing to do...and I've never known how to do things the easy way.
I also have a pocket fulla cash which is never a good thing for your humble narrator.

If I accept my happiness and contentment derives solely from me does cheating matter?
If I accept that this girl is simply a girl, of which the world has many, and now that I have semi-mastered, I'd say honestly 3/4 mastered getting the women whom I desire, then does it matter if I cheat and potentially lose her?
If I recognize the red flags that come with her and the baggage is that my being pragmatic or just rationalizing what I need/want in order to cheat and do so with less concern?