Friday, July 20, 2012
Faces in the Crowd
I'm posted up reading about Robespierre, the French Revolution and drinking my coffee.
A young(ish) looking girl passes me and stares me down hard. She circles the racks a few times, then conveniently finds a place next to me to sit.
She asks me what I'm reading about as she shifts to where she's practically touching my leg with her bare leg.
A woman with a kid in a stroller glares harshly at the ring on my finger. I conspicuously place it within sight and the young(er) girl takes the hint.
I finish reading and head to the mall.
It happens again.
I'm standing line. I see the girl's face just over her shoulder.
It looks like her. I start to squirm.
But then I see that she's not curvaceous enough to be her.
And the hair's not taken care of enough nor pretty enough to be hers.
I don't know how to feel b/c I honestly don't know what I'd do if I ran into her.
I'm waiting for the day when I honestly let it go completely.
Not there yet.
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enter "somebody that I used to know" lyric.
ReplyDeleteit is weird running into someone who you haven't seen in a long time and who's departure was either a heartbreak too many (in your case, which i can't relate to) or just someone who you had a close bond with...the world is your mirror and what you pit in will reflect back to you..in time, i suppose you will see her again since you're still wrapped up in parts of her..
on a hm--lighter note..here's a song i know woul'd resonate with you
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wfg9ZaN6E9w
" i set a dozen, 12-step traps, they, slip by everyone, i never catch the lil bastards i really do wish they dont run/...and when the moon rolls in, they like to bank robbin' and i'm a hostage who will drive (noticed a similarity to the 'dark passenger' metaphor you've used to describe submission to a darler side)
take it easy
- j.h
I hate remembering this detail, that when I was
ReplyDeletemarried I was constantly hit on by chicks especially when you work the front door of a bar.
It was later explained to me like this, the ring
automatically sends them the message that you're
worthy and they can safely fuck you because you're already attached to someone else.
or from the other point of view, that if you're
married then another woman can put up with you
so therefore you're ok without the woman in question knowing you from a hole in the ground.
chicks are fucked!
what I regret the most is turning down twin blondes who wanted me to 'come over later'
I still bite my tongue at that one.
JH - i have found that what you put out and what you expect, find ways to bring those same qualities back to you. as my perspective has grown less bleak and vacant, i've found myself viewing those i come into contact with and my opportunities in a way that begets positive reactions. it's like the guy who expects that girls at a table he opens will think he's funny versus a guy who knows that no girl is interested in him at all (an extreme example, but fitting).
ReplyDeleteand thanks for the music clip.
S. Else - i've found much more disappointment in women finding out i'm married. coupled with the fact that before, i'd hit a tipping point where i was simply written off as bad news. so they put me into a convenient box.
now it's like, "fuck, i knew he would turn it around, i knew i should have gone after him"....so the girls that see me now that knew me before and hesitated have this whimsical look when i come strolling in. go figure. hindsight is 20/20. what they don't know is that long term, they are right. i'm not relationship material.