Free Your Mind

Going to be locked up for a few days.
Not excited about it. It's the price I pay for my reckless ways.
I've known this was coming so it's one of those things I try not to worry/think about a whole bunch because it won't do me any good nor change the unavoidable.
I down the road this part of my life will be a footnote compared to the rest of my life but I do feel a real loss at the notion of losing my freedom for a time.

Someone like me who likes making the most of much of their time in a place like jail feels like I'm being disingenuous with my purpose in life but then so is drinking to the extent that I do.

This year of my life, has turned into a real crisis of conscience as I find myself forced to attempt to resolve the parts of my self that feel incongruent with truth and the purpose of life that part of me does inexorably seem to recognize. I thought the year of the divorce was the worst. I thought this past year with the abortion was the worst. This year and the jail and the time I'm facing now feel that way. I don't say this to be negative but instead to acknowledge it.
Sometimes you have to step into the light of your feelings and simply learn to stand and bask and feel them wash over you and know that they will pass.

I thought last year and the abortion were tough but this dischordant sound in my brain has returned (if it ever really went away).

I don't know if I'm running from my own thoughts or......I don't know.

I know and believe that often what we fear the most, when it comes to pass, is the touchstone of personal growth.
I know this visit to jail and the other one I'm facing won't break me in the sense that I'll be broken, but it will break through some notions about myself and humanity and society and that in the aftermath I will emerge stronger and more self aware, should I so choose to look or perhaps simply see with open eyes.

I know this trip to jail (like the others) will serve to affirm my attitude(s) toward how this country criminalizes addiction in an endless parade of taxation and fees with money and profit as the goal rather than fixing our society but that is neither here nor there in the sense that the laws are as they are and I broke them.
It's an opportunity to learn some valuable humility, some new and more profound perspective and hopefully to emerge a free man in some way.

  - Yrs. in Christ