This makes me nauseous. Call it satire....but it's not.
It appeals to the most lowly common of denominators.
It's your fault if you don't hate yourself or your life enough to affect change.
Hate is perhaps a strong word, but hate and anger have powered me through many a grinding workout. Eventually, desperation forces you to withdraw deeper into denying what you hate about your life and rewriting the past so as to avoid the massive cognitive dissonance of reality not meeting expectations, or....you can decide to start tearing everything down and starting over.
Be it divorce.
Quitting your job.
Calling out your cheating wife or girlfriend.
Ending your barely sufficient excuse for a relationship.
Moving.
Starting a business.
Whatever.
It will be painful.
It will be grinding.
You will doubt yourself.
You will consider giving up and crawling back on your hands and knees prostrate and repentant.
Hold fucking fast.
Walk forward, barely a step at a time if necessary.
As long as you do not go back.
You will spend what feels like at the time, long arduous days treading water....as long as you do not retreat you are okay.
I know guys miserable in their marriages. Guy who don't train as much as they'd like.
Guys whose life is ruled by some other person and their progeny.
I'm sympathetic....wait, no, I'm not really.
They've built their prison.
They do it when the acquiesce.
They do it with their incessant yes's and nods and wordless acceptance and all the things they do not challenge. They do it every time they just want the argument to end. They do it every time they let her think she's right.
Even the guys afraid of divorce court.
Restructure your beliefs.
If you care about protecting your moneyz, then that threat of divorce court is palpable.
They CONTROL YOU WITH FEAR.
Society has and will always fear someone who simply DOES NOT GIVE A FUCK.
Our illusion of safety is predicated on the assumption that the threat of punishment prevents most of the disorder.
Your house is not really safe.
Your car is not really safe.
You are not really safe.
The part of about not retaining custody of your kids is legitimate.
If you're worried about your couch and your TV, let go of that shit.
You want change, you dream of it, but you won't consider being uncomfortable.
Then you deserve neither.
You do not have to throw good money and time and investment of your energy after bad.
Your freedom is the most precious thing you can hope to gain.
You followed the rules and look where it got you.
Now you'll continue to follow the rules rather than call their bluff.
Fuck them.
Pull an Atlas Shrugged.
That's honestly you're only move at this point.
Or.....you can keep being their bitch. Keep bending to their will, but like with women, the more you capitulate, the more they take.
Power only wants more power.
Money only wants more money.
Let go of all the things which truly do no matter.
Stop taking the fucking Prozac.
Stop drinking.
Stop jerking your dick every fucking day.
Start exercising.
I'm not judging you.
I was there.
I self medicated and numbed myself to my painful existence every chance that I got...but eventually, it was not enough.
I could not do it any longer.
The hurt in my soul was so great I was killing myself directly and indirectly every single chance I got.
I had to drink 12 beers just to sleep or get *&^% to quiet the anxiety long enough to sleep a few hours before waking up a wreck to do it all over again.
It was not living.
Start reading about the explorers. Guys like Marco Polo. Guys like Francis Drake.
Be willing to sleep in your car.
You've had at least 20 some odd years of bullshit forming concrete in your brain.
The only compass north you have is that slight or perhaps deafening sense in your spirit that things are not right.
The drugs and alcohol have to go.
The internet porn has to go.
They are escapes. They numb the voice.
The anesthetize you to the reality in which you "exist".
Things are not as they should be.
They can be different.
I'm sure this sounds crazy.
Staying married to a roommate is fucking crazy.
Having tepid sex once a month or once a week is crazy.
Living your life exclusively for other people and watching the Walking Dead as the highlight of your week is fucking crazy.
Waking up hating your life is fucking crazy.
I reached a point when I knew I couldn't kill myself but the state/quality of my emotional life was so barren, empty and stark that killing myself honestly did make sense. If this was the life I would be grinding through, what was the motherfucking point?
And.....I was fucking right.
What was the point?
That was the beginning of my breaking point.
I knew I couldn't kill myself but I honestly COULD NOT BEAR the thought of my life dragging on like this day after motherfucking day the way it was going.
-----
There will be pain. There will be doubt above all......but it is preferable to the death by a million hours of misery.
You will survive.
But only you can start taking those steps.
I cannot do it for you or convince you.
I can only show you that the path is before you at any given second you choose.
Your chains are of the mind.
This is not about judgment.
This is not about condescension.
This is your life.....should you choose to live it.
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