Fitzgerald said it best

"First one gives off his best picture, the bright and finished product mended with bluff and falsehood and humor. Then more details are required and one paints a second portrait, and third---before long the best lines cancel out---and the secret is exposed at last; the planes of the picture have intermingled and given us away, and though we paint and paint we can no longer sell a picture. We must be satisfied with hoping such fatuous accounts of ourselves as we make to our wives and children and business associates are accepted as true.”  - Fitzgerald

In other news, was reminded of THIS documentary "Born Rich" by    Grit Artisan.


I see my distractions dwindling. 
I spend less and less time spread around across different hobbies.
My main pursuit is as the gym, training, and the others are either in support of that or reading.
That's it.
As my vision grows more exact, more precise, I find my interest in other pursuits diminishing to utter completion.
When I was young, I went out at night due to insomnia and boredom.
I wanted to sleep with a bunch of girls to see if I could.
I did and then that waned in interest. Once you've seen the other side, well, it's another relatively meaninglessly fulfilled proof to yourself. You gain some perspective. I see women and dynamics within relationships differently, but like the girl who's emotionally callous and punishes her man for the indiscretions of his predecessor, I too have ceased to be fazed by the emotions of women.

My bank of feelings, of emotions as it were, has defaulted on whatever the vampires loaned me. I have no more capital, no more collateral, no desire to be affected by the whimsical, tempestuous, capricious, and precocious emotions of others.

For awhile, I thought I was resting, recharging my batteries, that I would feel those normal human instincts of bonding, of wanting to cooperate.....but as my vision for the future, of what I want and what I desire for myself becomes more clear, I find less and less patience with which I have to spend elsewhere. 
I go and check on the vault in my chest, and find nothing with which to feel.

I see most interactions as zero sum, or cost/benefit.
Does this impact my daily goals that are smaller goals on a road to achieving my primary goal?
IF not, or if it strikes me as an egregious waste of emotional effort and expenditure, I withdraw and seek to go elsewhere.

My life in many ways is far more simple than it ever has been before this point.
The precision and focus are welcome but it has come at a price.
Eventually,