Alive

I've been out for ** months. I had some posts in the hole saved while I was locked up that got uploaded by automatic. I'll change some facts and details to hide my identity blase whatever.

I've been sober for nearly a year.
Life is slowly coming back together after being locked up.
I'm not in a huge rush to fix everything. I have food to eat. I have a roof over my head. Life is serene if not boring but the alternative is smaller and smaller boxes made my the state and the powers in far away ivory towers and the long arm of the law. . If I'm being honest, it's only fair as I'm a danger to myself and others when I'm out there unhinged and drinking.

Saw some things I'd rather I hadn't while I was confined.
3 days after I got out the girl I saw when my ex-wife and I split called me.
I'd had a super vivid dream of her a few weeks before my release and the universe whispered to me that she would call. It's one of the few remaining threads from my old life.
Fast forward x months and I might be flying out to see her in a few weeks.

It's probably a terrible idea or it's perhaps the best idea.
Regardless, I don't have to drink over it.

Read a lot of books while I was away, everything I could get my hands on while I was there. Well, almost everything. Everyone reads James Patterson books in there. Go figure, right? As some sort of bizarre joke, a bunch of the free books available are like religioius/Christian Romance stories/novels.
That's a thing. Seriously.

Had a lot of time to place things in perspective.
Since my release it's been good days and bad days and non-days.
I don't spent a lot of time stroking the memory of my days and months in there. I don't have to emotionally masturbate my emotions into the world and go round and round for no reason fucking myself and my emotions.

I'm not in pain, not seeking relief, just adapting like the last caveman to a new world where it's "fuck or walk" "adapt or die" "get better or quit."

Had some potential girls come my way but it's like unless she wants me to wrap my fingers around her throat and fuck her until she almost loses consciousness I'm just not even really interested in texting back and forth.

My emotions aren't super raw like super early sobriety, but when my anger spikes, it shoots to the moon and back in an instant. Made solid $ working last night and I'm in Peter Pan mode limiting my adult responsibilities and deciding just what my next move will be.

Otherwise I'm just in the gym, working, and steady on the prowl to fuck a girl into exhaustion.

   - Yrs. in Christ