For the Road

I take two beers with me underneath my coat. They aren't opened, but I still eschew dealing with cops if I can possibly avoid it and even giving them a reason to stop me even on foot.

I post up with this girl I know from **$(*#($*$(*#*****. She flirts with me hard but I just want to drink my two beers and sleep until it's light enough to drive and not sweat the cops. She lights up some **** and I get **** for the first time in well and good over a year.

I pretend I'm aloof and ignore her advances and reiterate that I really just need to sleep because I'm tired from the gym and work. This is true, and it occurs to me, I'm turning down completely easy sex with no strings attached and I know in this moment I'm actually making a smart decision. Go figure.

I wake up before she does and let myself out quietly.
I head over to the young girl's place and she lets me in and we lay in bed.
We don't fool around nor do we kiss. We have this strange largely platonic relationship now that is still deeply profound in it's own innocent way.

The sleep was good, the kind of deep sleep you get when you get ****, or at least the kind I get when I'm ****. I know I can't let this be a habit or I'll need it to sleep and I don't miss those insomnia days that nearly killed me years ago.
I leave her and head to the gym and grind it out.
---

I sip my coffee and mull over my girlfriend and asking her to come with me.
I don't think she's serious. I think she just wanted me to ask her to come with me and to avoid breaking it off until it's absolutely necessary: plausible deniability and such.

Humans.....go figure.

I think in the back of her mind....she knows she's not coming with me and I think on some level she knows that I know that she knows that I know.....and such.

As it is, in this moment, I'm sitting in bed wishing I had a beer or a whiskey at least and looking forward to the onset of deep, dark catatonic sleep I've ensured by grinding it out at the gym after a late night at my other job last night and the night previously.