Welcome to the System

Slept deep and dark for what felt like a thousand years.
I wake up....but this time it's not a faux dream memory of being locked up. A dream I've had reoccur over the years since my first arrest what feels like ages ago.

I'm staring down what will be a very, very long road of fixing the damage I've done.
I know that in all likelihood there will not only be blowback but permanent damage to my ability to stay in this line of work, to say nothing of my record.

It also likely means mandatory jail time upon conviction.
The maelstrom of worrying about my job, my career, my personal life, a place to stay...it all descends upon me like locusts assailing my heart and mind.

I consider the possibility of serving time and I grit my teeth and shake my head.
Having been through this whole drawn out process before I know that only a certain amount of anxiety is even worthwhile at this point b/c it's all "hurry up and wait" for the time being. The court dates will come as they do, the continuances will be utilized by both sides, until each of us have martialed our pawns and facts and then it's time to face the music and hope that on paper the good things I've done mitigate a stupid decision.

It's all variables beyond that. The judge, that day, the docket that day, the DA, who they went to college with, paperwork and other details.....it's a sobering reality when you see your fate hinges upon so many completely relative variables.

A wave of a hand and pen is the difference between your life ending and it continuing relatively undamaged.

Welcome to the machine....welcome to the system.
          - Yrs. in Christ