Thursday, August 16, 2012
Worker Bee (?)
Busy as a worker bee always deep in the hive.....but it's my own hive.
It's a hive where my goals and my passions are king.
My thirst for the drink has subsided more than ever. In fact, I go days and days without even thinking about it nor do I often miss it.
When the stress hits, I focus on some side business ventures I'm working on. I've been taking time away from the gym and the like to focus on rebuilding myself and looking for alternative sources of income.
Been reading up on Constantine and Mao as well as the early campaigns of Alexander the Great.
History is the best teacher I've found.
Primarily, I'm focusing on minimizing my monthly bills and preparing for an even more spartan existence than I currently lead. I've spent less on clothes in the past year than ever before, yet, my appearance is largely unchanged. So much for super nice brand names. I've found that always attracted girls that weren't even what I wanted anyhow. I'm not a provider. Not anytime soon anyhow. I'm not getting a house. I'm not buying a nice car. I'm not interested in the trinkets of the man and his promises of grandeur.
I've woken up to the reality of debt ownership and the slave galleon that is "credit".
Buy now, pay later they say.
Yes, you will pay.
Buy what you want now.
Owe later for what you don't need.
Cheap thrills and expensive mistakes.
I'll pass.
The first 30 years of my childhood has been the hardest to escape.
I can feel the warm light of freedom almost within sight. Just a few obstacles remain.
Everyone has fears.
Fear of failure.
Fear of poverty.
Fear of loneliness.
Fear of regret.
Fear of letting down those close to you.
Fear of hurting those that feel entitled to you...or cannot or will not understand that you are a rolling stone....that you don't believe in happiness or contentment.
That you will never settle down until your body or mind give out from the ceaseless searching endemic and intrinsic to your nature.
That what you believe and what makes you different is the same quality which spurs you endlessly to search, search more, fail, succeed, fail again, and press forth forever unceasing as the small raft wishing to leave the shore during high tide.
The raft knows it won't ever make it to the edge of the horizon....but it also knows that to not try would be more cruel still.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
"I've found that always attracted girls that weren't even what I wanted anyhow"
ReplyDeleteDare we suggest that those girls were motivated by money more than just sexual attraction..who knows..
"The first 30 years of my childhood has been the hardest to escape."
Interesting line. despite you being a man in form and function, it's like a (sub)conscious realization that you haven't grown into your ideal of adulthood..such is life, as you say..but i suppose that's also growing pains; realizing your perceived shortcomings in regards to that ideal
second last paragraph: (enter meme of Fry) " don't know if that's poetic and resonating, or just sounds nice"
in any event,
cheers.
-j.h
As far as I can remember I always went against
ReplyDeletethe grain, in most of life's aspects.
The idea that I should dress like the rest of
those guys in order to attract women seemed
bizarre and still does and I refuse to
participate. I rather stand out then blend
in with the rest. I mean look at the default
club guy nowadays... the majority look the
same some jeans semi expensive shoes and
dress shirt worn outside the pants... this
look always makes me laugh as if they all
came off some assembly line somewhere.
In the end I know the people who are laughing
are the clothes designers who force you to
pay 90$ for a shirt. I remember walking
into an armani exchange store a few months
back just to amuse myself. When I saw
the print on the label saying "made in china"
I laughed and walked out.
The amount of hoops you gotta jump through
in order to attract a woman these days
is outright disgusting, and I'm not willing
to dish out that much cash or time on it.
I rather read more history and continue
to be a black sheep.