You Can't Live Two Lives

I accuse women of trying to live 23 lives.
Rather, I criticize American society of convincing women they can live 23+ lives and be happy: they can be a college party girl, a young professional, an independent woman, a sexually liberated woman, a lady (they don't try to sell that one much anymore), a mother, a powerful career woman, a business owner...blah blah blasé.


At any rate, I've come to the conclusion as far as my womanizing ways.....and this will sound obvious.....but to me it's the kind of thing you realize you always knew but didn't really understand until now: you can't live two lives.


I can't be in several actual meaningful relationships....and yet, one relationship, sleeping with one woman just isn't enough for me over the long haul.


I've been living two lives.
Two lives with two girls who honestly could not be more vastly different in virtually every way.
It helps keep it easier to make the necessary change over from seeing one to the other....and soon I will get caught by one or both of them.


It's the kind of thing I do for *****s on end and have close calls but expert failure sits deep in my brain because I have womanized for so long....I can always delay choosing between the (un)lucky ladies with whom I split my time.


The precipice lies before me.....I have two very different paths from which to choose, two women, as always....I find myself in this predicament, it's a pattern I have repeated at this point nearly 5-10 times throughout my 20's. I always knew I had two halves but the extent to which they battle for dominance in my waking hours startles even your humble narrator.
When I drank, my other half could roam free once the drink took hold, but as I no longer drink, I find him subtly coming to bear during the waking hours and I now find myself in a complete jam.
I have to choose and I honestly do not know what to do.


My life has become exceedingly simple as of late as it always does when I stop drinking.
I work, I train, I spend time with a couple friends and a couple girls.
I've only been out a handful of times in the last 2 months and even those times have been short in duration. I don't miss drinking and I certainly don't miss jail and the other repercussions, but it is living with the volume turned down.


It's how it has to be for that that are "too strange to live, yet too rare to die."