Rebuilding Yourself

This post is not for the guys who rarely have a girlfriend...but, rather, those of us who have a harem, or have multiple girls, or bounce from girl to girl, never a hiatus in between.

You're no different from the girls out there attention whoring on social media, you're not different than those girls always needing validation. You dress it up as banging X number of girls or whatever...but it is what it is. It's a false sense of masculinity to hide the insecurity and lack of self worth which needs to fill itself because it is a black hole gnawing in its wordless whispers of doubt and paralyzing self loathing.

I say this, b/c, I was one of those guys. I had 3-4 girlfriends, plus whoever I might meet and per chance bang on the side.
I did it b/c I was afraid to be alone.
I subconsciously hoped by having X number of women it would change the way I deep down felt about myself.
Interestingly enough, I attracted like-minded women. An insecure woman will find a man who overcompensates by acting overly secure and thus, two people of like emotional states and vacuousness will be drawn to one another.

I always felt like canned material was a short cut to real meaningful progress with women.
Furthermore, why do you want a girlfriend?
Are you afraid to be alone?
Do you fill the gnawing silence with video games and social media? Living with 4 roommates? Two dogs.

Learn to be alone.
This is nearly impossible for most people.
We are social animals, but if you constantly need to have someone, something, whatever, to avoid the reality that you will die alone in this world......that fear will manifest in a multitude of ways.

Do you want a hot girlfriend because deep down you don't like yourself? You doubt that others like you? Your self image is weak and battered and a scared little boy?

This isn't about  judging or condemning yourself, but rather, understanding the "Why?"
IF you never understand the "Why?" you are always working with an incomplete picture and thus will never arrive at the appropriate solution.
You will always revert to your unhappy state.
I banged dozens of girls post college in a short amount of time. Ultimately, I was unhappier than I had ever been. The cognitive dissonance was deafening. I grew chemically dependent and devoid of the ability to love myself and others, always dragging others down with me, as my behavior grew increasingly irrational and self-destructive.

I finally had to accept I needed help.

I can dress you up. I can give you a car. I can wave a magic wand but your baseline emotional state and health will always reassert itself unless you do real, deep inside, actual work to change your values and beliefs. Learning how to talk to girls in a coffee shop is a Band-Aid on a sucking chest wound. Learning how to match your belts and shoes and occupy a false frame is a splint on a compound fracture.

Think of the one thing you do well.
If you don't have one thing you do well, sign up for guitar classes.
Play every day.
20 minutes.
Don't ask me why.
Be coachable if you want to improve.
Be willing to simply work at something a little each day.

If you're already thinking of why you should do what I say, how it won't work, why you don't have time in your day, what good will it do....you are not willing and open-minded enough to change and so stop reading my blog and keep doing what you're doing. It's clearly working well for you, so keep doing that. If you were so fucking smart you'd have it figured out.
I don't have it all figured out, but I have a measure of peace I've not known since I was a kid.
Until you're willing to take advice and try something other than what you've been doing every day for years, you will get the same results you have always gotten.

Good luck and happy hunting,
     - Yrs. in Christ