Doing the Dirty

Soundtrack

I'm standing downtown working.
My caffeine IV drip has run out as I knew and feared it would. I'm hungry and just feeling blasé in general.
I've talked as much with the guy I'm working with as I care to. I don't really feel like playing the "life's story" game and thankfully he's switched out with another guy and we just bullshit and people watch between checking ID's and denying guys who are drunk or look like they'll be a problem.
There's a new girl and she's flirting with me but I've always strictly enforced my policy on not banging girls from the gym or work. Sucks too b/c she's curvaceous and has dark hair.
C'est la fuckin' vie.

A girl I took home a couple years ago but I was too tired to fuck comes through the line.
She doesn't recognize me (she must have even more faces in her line-up than your humble narrator) and she hits on me hard in front of the guys she's with. She says she likes my aesthetic and my wardrobe for work.
She says what they all say, something about my ***** or my choice in color(s) or my *******.
She's talking but all I hear is my interior voice saying something about wishing I was at home in bed watching Netflix with my girl next to me. I don't even begin to wish I was out drinking b/c then I'd be surrounded by this morass of people slowly losing their ability to maintain a bare minimum of decorum and social grace(s).
God, fucking times they do change.
Lately, I vacillate more sharply from one end of the spectrum to the other. The old me peaks out occasionally and lies about having a beer or two but b/c I rarely drink I can't keep the pace with my tolerance and I end up trashed after I hit the wall fast. I don't even miss being drunk that much anymore.

I refuse entry to a guy who was mean mugging me a few weeks ago for getting kicked out for stumbling around....b/c fuck him and his fucking attitude problem.

20 minutes later, another girl says the same thing and takes an interminable amount of time to slowly pull out her ID and flashes that coquettish head downturned eyes up glance that always reminds you of a girl who teaeses you before sucking your dick.
She stares semi-drunk into my eyes hard and our blue eyes meet but there is nothing coming out of mine.

10 minutes later a not very cute girl with huge boobs eye fucks me the whole time she's in line.
Again, I am nonplussed.

I'm tired. That's the only reason I can deduce to explain this utter ennui on my part.

Tired from training and being on my feet all day.
It's slow downtown and I'm counting down the minutes.
Or is it more than that?
Thankfully, the usual aggression that comes with guys irritated with their own indecision as to whether or not to hit on girls and stare at single girls or girls with guys who actually made a move proves noticeably absent.

It's a relatively calm night, even devoid of the usual rigamarole of getting everyone out into the street when the lights come on. A small guy gets in my face and part of me hopes he flexes so I can head/arm toss him into the pavement but I know this will just cause a scene and be more hassle than it's worth in the long run. I tell him to have a good night and be safe and his instincts tell him the look in my eyes is the weary look of a predator that will snatch him up if he so much as flinches.

I'm tired, and though several girls flirt hard I actually just decide it's simpler to not cheat and have that hanging over my head. My desire to avoid drama outweighs any lust I might harbor for the time being.

I'm just tired. I'm ready to get **** and sleep for what feels like a year.
I finally get to my bed but rise early to train. Today promises more of the same, but I'm not in jail so I mentally slap myself across the face and remind myself to be thankful for another day breathing free air.

When this day/night ends at work and I get home, get ****, and finally sleep more than a few hours, grind out a tought workout tomorrow, I'll finally feel at peace to relax for an evening. Until then, it's all hurry up and fucking wait type shit.

I tell myself I'm just tired from training so much at the gym and some long nights working downtown.
That and/or I just need some new pussy. I've been good minus the ex and a stripper up in ********.
To be honest, I've been so lackadaisical in my pick-ups they've barely been passable as attempts and minus a few dates I'm just bored with the whole process of haphazard half-assed meet and greet.

Good luck and happy hunting. I'll be watching the revelers and party goers in throngs of wanton cheap thrill seeking tonight.

- Yrs. in Christ