Sobriety Redux

It's been a few days.





I'm withdrawing from the quagmire of several romantic pursuits/options because my retreat back into sobriety makes balancing the various burgeoning relationships tiresome and weariness-inducing.
I'm facing my emotions without the buffer zone of inebriation and all of my emotions seems colossal and larger than life and certainly borderline uncontrollable.



I know they will grow manageable as my life comes back to the fabric of simplicity....so first I must eliminate the non-essential and the turmoil-inducing....I have to begin to temper my impulsiveness given free reign by my return to drinking.
It will be like withdrawing from caffeine or anything else...that ache, that persistent headache of a slower pace and.....the forced slowing down of the gears which have been going at full speed for the better part of a year.

I'm always struck by how quickly the clarity begins to return after a few days back out of the brink.
With it comes the unpleasant realities of the looming consequences and the justice system and the painful re-education of dealing with the world without the shelter provided by drugs/alcohol/whatever.

I have to learn to function as a sober person surrounded by not sober people.

It will be painful, arduous, and slow but it will come and it will pass and the new perspective will become the reality that I know.

I feel the gritted teeth that come with sobriety and the ache of facing the world without reprieve.
The real ache is facing yourself and your doubts with no security blanket....nowhere to run....nowhere to hide....only raw, abject, jagged reality.

 I know the shock is subsiding...because I am beginning to feel again.
Feeling things.....the thing we're always trying to avoid....trying to anesthetize....we all say we clamor for life....but when it comes....we run, hide, flee, take soma.......


The good news is I've made the transition before...and therefore I approach it knowing it is possible and even preferable looking back in retrospect.....
Remember your humble narrator as he was,
    Good luck and happy hunting......