The New World

Soundtrack:
"I can be your ingenue..."
I leave work early and the call begins to build in my chest.
The call for a late night downtown.
Instead, I'll go to the gym and get up early and train again then work both jobs almost back to back taking me through the night and be awake for nearly 24 hours straight. I'll sleep a few precious hours and train, then I'll work again Saturday night at another job then finally get some rest Sunday.

It's a grind but it keeps me out of trouble whilst my legal troubles loom on the horizon.
I'll miss this grind when I eventually serve my time that I'm looking at behind bars.
I'm going to fight it as long as I can but it's not looking promising.

It sucks I had to have this happen to finally wake up and set aside the childish pursuits in my life.
I think of waking up this morning next to her, her long dark hair lying on the pillow, and the smell of her skin on mine.
I take her in my arms and she drifts back to sleep curled up next to me.
I know when I'm in jail I'll think of moments like this and wonder why I couldn't just be content.

I think of all the girls and the heartbreaks and heartaches and the mascara streaks.....

I know this too will end at some unknown point in the future.
She's a good girl but hungry like the wolf I will continue eventually.....

I'm tired....but I have miles to go before I sleep.
I simply do that now without drinking which does afford me more energy and more miles to press on before I hit empty.
I know that this upcoming stint behind bars will probably cost me the career I've built for the past * years. I see it as a payment for getting my life back. Oddly enough, I'll have to trade my previous life of supposed respectability to be the person I can be, a person who doesn't drink and party the way I once did. I'll be trading one of my markers of respectability as tithe for actually being the type of person normally associated with my job once I'm released.

I always hoped my chosen field of work would somehow save me from my vices, but instead I'll trade it as sacrifice to be a normal person. The images will flip flop and inverse.

I'll train as hard as I can tonight but it won't be enough to quiet the beast, but knowing I have to get up early to train and go nearly 24 hours straight of working or commuting will force me to go home and go to bed like a normal person.
I'll sip my coffee and watch over the morass of denizens of downtown getting more and more drunk, carelessly thinking they're doing what they're supposed to do, guys standing back to the wall, girls basking in the crack rock of attention, your humble narrator warily watching for the phaseshift into drunken violence.

Girls will drunkenly grab my sleeve and look into my eyes with sweat on their necks and cigarette smoke in their hair and I'll see my life as it was when I expensively chased the promises of a night out on the town but woke up with increasing inadequacy.

Good luck and happy hunting,
     I'll see you on the other side.
           - Yrs. in Christ