Long Time Coming

Soundtrack:

Haven't posted much lately b/c all I've done is work several jobs and train every other waking minute I have available at the gym.
I've picked up some side work downtown in the bars and such. It's cash in my pocket which helps as I pay the ridiculous amount to my lawyer and grease the wheels of the justice machine and delay the inevitable.

I'm using the next several months to prepare for my permanent departure from my field of employment. I will miss it from time to time, but it's honestly time for me to do something else.
Working downtown has all but killed my desire to drink and go out, not that I had much of one anyway after my most recent arrest.

My court case is progressing as they always do: slowly.

I also haven't posted b/c honestly, I don't really drink anymore, and it's not exciting to hear about how I hit the gym before work, worked, hit the gym again, then worked late into the night then slept and then did it all over again with some sushi with the girlfriend thrown in the mix.

The blog lasted about 7 years in various incarnations, and though I feel some desire to write for the fellow madmen and women out there, necessity may be forcing my retirement because being locked up is serious and I refuse to risk losing my freedom more than I already have.

Twice since the start of the new year I came so unbelievably close to losing everything that it staggers my understanding of the world. It is going to take me a long time to repair the damage I have wrought if I even can.

I have good qualities in me, and drinking is killing those things.... slowly before....but now on a much more accelerated pace when I do drink even if infrequently.

I'm one drink away from considerable time in jail b/c once that dark passenger takes over....he wants to reave everything from my world and rend it apart piece by piece.

He promises cheap thrills....but only provides expensive mistakes when it's time to settle up.
My hope is that if it comes down to it, this most recent charge will be paid in full when it costs me my career.
The divorce is continuing as it must. In a not malicious way, I don't miss being married. I don't miss feeling beholden to another person. In fact, despite all that's fallen apart and all that threatens to befall me, I see the subtext: I am unhappy here and this will force me out of my job and thus ultimately out of this state.
The inner me would not let me continue in comfort and by creating discomfort...I'll be forced to relocate.

Good luck and happy hunting.
I'll be working downtown, observing wordlessly if you're out and about occasionally reflecting on my younger, more reckless and audacious days with the shaking of the head acceptance of part disbelief, part incoherence, and part gratitude that those days have passed.

I began the year and my decade of 30 with high hopes, and though tempered by poor decisions and fallout, I've grown even more clear and limited in my list of priorities which has simplified things.
I'm interested to see what this new incarnation of myself brings.

          - Yrs. in Christ