?-ista

Spent my morning reading about Hadrian's Wall and the administrative governance of Alexander's empire/antiquity.

I'm always reminded of a story about a young (but not in his mind) Julius Caesar qtd. from Suetonius' De Vita Caesarum, Divus Iuliu: 
[While serving as quaestor in Spain, he noticed] a statue of Alexander the Great in the temple of Hercules, he heaved a sigh, and as if out of patience with his own incapacity in having as yet done nothing noteworthy at a time of life when Alexander had already brought the world to his feet, he straightway asked for his discharge, to grasp the first opportunity for greater enterprises at Rome. Furthermore, when he was dismayed by a dream the following night (for he thought that he had offered violence to his mother) the soothsayers inspired him with high hopes by their interpretation, which was that he was destined to rule the world, since the mother whom he had seen in his power was none other than the earth, which is regarded as the common parent of all mankind. 

Then I did some reading in GQ about the Sartorialist and his relatively (arguably marginal) nouveau acceptance into the high fashion world (as much as one can expect for going from being a blogger to a sort of neo-fashion-blogger-photographer icon of sorts).

I fashioned a pleasantly organic and non-processed food lunch consisting of an omelette, green & red peppers, along with some ezekiel bread and OJ.

Then I headed to do some young professional, off duty bartender, hipster(ly) (unemployed), people-watching. My favorite summer afternoon activity.

At any rate.
History is full of men.
Men who trudge.
Men who oversee.
Men who count coins.
Men who toil in obscurity.
Men who lack the balls to chase their dreams however empty they may be.
Men who foolishly gamble.
Men who calculate and accumulate power.
Men who pursue the passions that make them feel productive and make make them a better person.

I've crossed off/done most of the major things I wanted to accomplish before I died. I slept with a bunch of women. I fought. I partied my brains out. I wrote a book. The one continuity in all of that has been training. I always lived like there was no tomorrow for most of my 20's. I didn't foresee a time when I didn't drink everyday or almost every day. I knew it would prematurely end my life but I felt powerless to stop it.


I started more than just spending my weekends and a couple weekdays hungover.
I started drinking just to sleep. Whether or not I went out, I drank everyday for about 6 months.
One night I got high instead....

Then one magical day, I stood downtown, and all of a sudden I realized....it was no longer fun the way it had once been. I finally did it so much that I lost the taste for it.


I had found something to help me sleep. Something that found me waking in the morning feeling refreshed rather than having gotten just enough sleep to get up for another day.

AA wasn't for me. It always made me want to drink more than when I'd gotten there.

Find what it is you need to take (more of the) control of your life back.
Alcohol is just a waste. I don't doubt that I'm still off the wagon.
In fact, I will likely spend the rest of my life, every few months getting falling down wasted to get some of the venom out.

But, I lost my daily thirst for it, and that alone is enough for which to be thankful.

     - Yrs. in Christ