LAX

I'm standing on a balcony. I can hear the ocean. The ever so faint smell of salt on the wind.
I'm alone.
I'm on the west coast. I didn't even decide if I'd go out. I knew I would.
The guys with me demured.
I was aghast.
I got dressed, called a cab, and knew that this was how it always had to be.
I walk into my first bar and get started. Virtually, immediately....a girl with blonde hair that smells good makes her way to stand in the space beside me at the bar.
We talk, her boyfriend walks over with his friend.
He grabs my arm and tells me I shouldn't be talking to his girl.
I tell him maybe he should control his woman better. That I was busy ordering a beer.
His friend flexes like he's about to swing and I'm thinking about how the next time he flinches, I'm going to clip the cat holding my arm with my elbow then turn to throw a massive overhand right at the guy back over my shoulder.
I'm already over southern California and I've only been here two days. Bullshit. Everywhere. All the time. Fucking madness.
I'm a corrupt man living in a holy world of rambunctious spirit and odious deeds.
The last time I was here I did coke, drank for 18 hours, and DP'd a girl with my buddy.

Back to Conan grabbing my arm....
The guy pulls away like I've just told him his childhood pet is in hell and not in heaven with the dogs from that Disney movie.
He's hurt.
He fucking crumbles as he considers what I've said.

He motions to his friend and they walk away. The waitress gives me a shot after witnessing the scene and apologizes for the "broes".
I don't show it but I'm surprised what I said hurt him or was even ackknowledged. I've fought guys and groups of guys for much less than something like that.

I post up for an hour but I pass on the nearby bars as the rule is here to stop letting folks in after 115, and most places won't be serving a whole lot past that if that.

I shake my head, hail a cab and head home. The cab driver tries to talk to me, and though I chatted with him on the way downtown, I am all talked out. I don't want to talk to the world or the people in it. I want to not exist and poof! be gone in an instant.

I walk out behind the house, stare at the ocean, hear and feels the waves crash and I call Elle X/Craigslistwhore because I don't know what else to do.
We talk for a bit and I realize that we haven't spoken in quite awhile. I'm careless like that sometimes.
We say goodbye and hang up.
Oddly...more than I'd have thought, I feel better.
I know she doesn't judge and what can be said simply as it is will not incite judgment nor whatever else happens when you speak truth.
- Yrs. in Christ